18 Reasons Why You Should Never Visit Iran

No doubt you’ve heard a lot about Iran in the media. And it’s true, Iran is a truly evil and terrifying place. Here we present 19 reasons you should never, ever, visit this godforsaken land.

#1. The capital city is basically a ruin.

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Tehran’s skyline is truly mediocre.

#2. Everyone lives in a mud shack.

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The Tabatabaei house in Kashan is a pretty miserable place to while away your days.

#3. The villages are pretty much what you’d find anywhere else.

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If Palangan village, on the border with Iraq, looks mildly impressive, it’s just because of the lighting. Nothing to do with the near-vertical positioning of the houses.

 #4. The architecture is plain and lackluster.

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Why would anyone want to visit the Nasir al-Mulk Mosque in Shiraz?

#5. Meh.

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Oh Shiraz, is this the best you can do?

#6. The women are oppressed and downtrodden.

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She looks like she needs someone to liberate her.

#7. Iranians are a grumpy, pool-party-hating bunch.

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I would hate to be hanging out with this boring group.

#8. The food is unpalatable and bland.

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I wouldn’t touch that stuff with a barge pole.

#9. There is no ancient history to this place.

Big deal. Every country has at least one 6th century BC Achaemenid Empire burial site.

#10. A traveller interested in history and culture would be totally bored here.

2,500-year-old sculptures? Pff. My local museum is way better.

#11. Iranians are a bunch of philistines.

Amos Chapple

There is no Museum of Contemporary Art in Tehran, and definitely no Warhol, Pollock, Munch, Hockney or Rothko to see. None. Don’t go there.

#12. The mosques are anything but exquisite and intricate.

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The Seyyed Mosque in Isfahan was basically designed and painted by a child.

#13. Where I come from ceilings are white… WHITE, you hear me?!

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Chehel Sotoun Palace in Isfahan is SO overrated.

#14. It has the most un-magical, boring countryside imaginable.

Amos Chapple

Why would anyone want to visit the mountainous Kurdistan region of Iran?

#15. The only wildlife in Iran comprises mosquitos and cockroaches.

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There are no Persian Cheetahs in Iran. The ‘Persian’ in the name is just a misnomer.

#16. It’s basically just one big, dusty, hell-hole of a desert.

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The wide expanse of sand reaching out as far as the eye can see make for one, long, boring road trip.

#17. People in Iran ride on camels.

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Cars? No. The only option is camel travel.

#18. There is no snow (and no ski resorts) in Iran — as we said, it’s all desert

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Dizin ski resort was a massive flop. The only thing you’ll find there is tumbleweed and the odd sheperd.